A maybe not so pleasant entry

I generally try to keep things upbeat--especially in my writings--because I figure who wants to read a guy whine about things all the time. Especially when it comes to my Europe trip. I want to remember the good things, I like to dwell on things that are fun or fascinating or experiences unlike I've ever expected. I try not to dwell on the little things that get you down. Sure, things in Madrid were pretty miserable for a couple days, but that was short lived and things got better. General arguments with my travel partner can cause consternation, but again, those are usually worked out and what is pleasant and awesome about this trip tends to come forth. Even if I do something horribly wrong--maybe even end up in a country or city that I never expected because I got on the wrong train and had to spend days trying to get back where I wanted--even something like that (which hasn't happened yet, by the way) I would still consider an adventure and appreciate the experience despite how uncomfortable or unpleasant it might have been.

Even when I'm really pissed off at someone I'm probably not going to go about writing that on my blog. I figure my interpersonal relationships will always have their ups and downs and committing the downs to pen and ink will serve no useful purpose. Plus I'm not big on airing out my dirty laundry in public. Those always seemed like private matters to me that are best kept amongst those they directly concern.

But right now I'm a pretty crappy combination of depressed and pissed (the American "upset" version, not the English "drunk" version). I'm still stuck with only limited mobility and in a great deal of pain. I'm in a beautiful small town on the south end of Crete that has nothing for me to do (because of my being crippled) except walk slowly and painfully to town, eat, lay on the beach, or stay at the hostel and surf the Internet and lie in bed. I'm getting so sick of this. Furthermore, I can't even be comfortably sociable (which has a certain level of inherent discomfort in it already for me) in the evenings when groups from the hostel get together and drink or go out to dinner because I can't sit. As if things weren't awkward enough for me, hovering over people while they're all sitting around having a good time and I'm standing just feels ridiculous. So I avoid those situations. I went out to breakfast with a group the other day for the sole purpose of being sociable (I wasn't hungry enough for the €4 breakfast buffet we went to), and while it may not have been overly weird to everyone else why I was standing while eating (they all know about my back injury) it still makes me crazy uncomfortable. I was invited to go to dinner with the group yesterday and declined citing the same discomfort, and Jessica decided it was her place to tell me that I'm being anti-social and just using my injury as an excuse. Well she can think that all she wants. But the fact of the matter is I would've loved to have been sociable, but the pain coupled with the awkwardness added to the fact that once again I wasn't hungry and didn't want to spend the money is all the reason why I didn't. My shyness and anti-social tendencies didn't even factor in to that equation.

So right now I'm lying in bed, again, in pain and generally just pissed off at the world that I'm stuck like this. I've been doing my stomach and back exercises religiously, and I think they might be helping but I can't tell because the quantity of pain seems to fluctuate so rapidly with no obvious signs as to why.

I'd love to go on this thing they refer to as the "river walk" which is a 3 hour round trip adventure that includes canyons, rivers, and waterfalls, but I don't really want to go alone so I asked Jessica if she wanted to go with me and her response was "not if you're going to stop every twenty feet". Like I didn't stop and wait for her all the time when we were hiking with in Yosemite and she was significantly more out of shape than me. I'm so damn irritated with everything right now I'm considering just ending my trip early and coming home to recover. I know if I do that I'll kick myself and never forgive myself for not finishing one of my biggest dreams of all time. But it's all just starting to wear on me.

On the lighter side, here's a picture of me standing in front of an olive tree grove in Greece:




And here's a picture of how beautiful the Mediterranean was the day I went swimming:




And here's me standing on the main (and only) strip of Plakias town.




With any luck this will be my last unpleasant journal entry. I expect nothing but sunshine and butterflies from here on out!

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